I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
