i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
