oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
