Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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