Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
