Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
