That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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