my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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