Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
