I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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