I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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