the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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