Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
