I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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