get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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