No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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