Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
