halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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