Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sext me about skeletons
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
