Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh god it's open bar.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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