You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
