Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
