so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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