On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize