she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
