is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
