i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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