Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
