You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
