How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
