so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
