We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
