so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
