Please, let me fuck your mom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
