im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
