so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
