Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've blown a few things in my day
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
