The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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