weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize