im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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