first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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