searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
