oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
