Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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