now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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