I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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