the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
