Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
