Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
