there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
