Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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