My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
