Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
