So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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