if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
