Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
