i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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