If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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