your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
