Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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