Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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