haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
