You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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