Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
