I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
