If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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