i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize