and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
