Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
