Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
