We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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