He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
