He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh god it's open bar.
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