He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize