I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
