I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
