Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
