ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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