you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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