i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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