Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am one with the molecules
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
