she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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