The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
