So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Pooping to opera.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
