allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My feet surprised me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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