My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
