dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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