I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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