the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
