If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
