So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
