shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
