a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
