this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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