You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
