I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
