I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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