You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
