New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
