What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize