Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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