There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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