ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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